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Nothing 4.0Throwing the car into fifth shift, I floor the gas. Exhaust piles high out of the pipe, choking the outer walls of my rear tires and cascading around the intricate patterns on the edges of the windows. The pull of gravity throws me back against the seat, and I grip the steering wheel. I wont back out of this. I need to do this, to finish it. Glancing at the speedometer, I shove the car into sixth and place my hand back on the steering wheel.
Lights are dancing outside my window; they blend into each other and mingle, pressing close to the glass and to each other, high as a drug dealer in Bangkok. As I cling to the wheel, the colours spiral out of control. They seep in through the windows and push their way into my heated skin, into my eyes, weaving throughout my hair. I am colour.
The windshield is soon dotted with splashes of violet and lime, copper and fuchsia. Windshield wipers do nothing to eradicate them, and I lean forward. The road is lost in layers of clouds. Street lamps
Nothing 3.0[ 3.o]
Now, Nissa, explain how you feel about yourself to me. Be as honest as you can.
A typical base question. One that gets asked all the time. How do you feel about yourself? What would you change? What do you like? Not necessarily in that order. We all reply the same way.
- We think were fine.
- We wouldnt change anything.
- We like everything about ourselves.
Its all lies, of course. We tell them what they want to hear. It just takes too much time to explain how we really view ourselves; how much we hate ourselves. If they knew the truth, they still wouldnt know what to do.
Should've Stayed in BedFebruary 20, 2013
You wish you wish you wish you WISH that you could cut yourself out of this body. Or at least this damn writers block. You feel so trapped, so holed down in a pit that is crawling with maggots and dead flies. Tasty, isnt it? Its like you belong here; the bugs are eating through your skull to where your pit of creativity lies hidden behind brain tissue and whatnot. Soon there will be nothing left to use, and youll be left dumb. Do you want that? DO YOU? No. You dont. I know you dont. But youre not doing anything to prevent falling in that hole. Youre not looking where youre going; youre not watching your footsteps. Nothing. Good job. Youre failing at life. How much long are you going to keep doing that? Forever? Thats cool. I can stay here forever, too, reminding you of all your failures. Theres nothing wrong with that. After all If you really cared, you wouldve just stayed at hom
NothingThey ask me what I like about my body. I dont have to look down to see all that I dont like. The miniature water balloons that lay stacked inside the skin of my thighs squish together and jiggle every time I uncross my legs, only to cross them again. The bump of my stomach is squishy, liquefied, prominent. Absently I poke it under the blanket. My cheeks are too round, my fingers too swollen. I have obtained a sickening under-bite during my sixteen years, and I never smile. I am pale, not tan like everyone else was around here. I have childs nails, small and easily breakable.
Nothing, I whisper, my voice tense, icicles forming on the edges of my lips.
They look at one another, their expressions hooded. I look at the floor, studying the specs of fuzz from the shedding blanket that is draped over my body. One of them coughs to grab my attention, and I slowly meet his requirement. Nothing? His voice is hard, no-nonsense-whatsoever hard. I nod slowl
NothingThey asked me what I liked about my body. I didnt have to look down to see all that I didnt like. The miniature water balloons that lay stacked inside the skin of my thighs squished together and jiggled every time I uncrossed my legs, only to cross them again. The bump of my stomach was squishy, liquefied, prominent. Absently I poked it under the blanket. My cheeks were too round, my fingers too swollen. I had obtained a sickening under-bite during my sixteen years, and I never smiled. I was pale, not tan like everyone else was around here. I had childs nails, small and easily breakable.
Nothing, I whispered, my voice tense, icicles forming on the edges of my lips.
Fill This PageA blank page awaits to be filled;
Swirls of indecision shall swing about the corners,
tangles of uncertainty will bow and bend from the centre.
Ribbons of loss curl around despair,
frail string unravels around the edges.
How shall I fill this page?
The Sealed Kingdom-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The sound of a lone wolf echoed off the bare tree trunks. It reflected off the silver of the moon and the white of the crisp, fresh snow. The girl thought she heard chimes, somewhere off in the dwindling distance. As she lay on the embankment, her white and crimson lace robes now spotted with deeper, lively red, drumming sounded from all around. Its soft beat poured out of every tree trunk, every crack and pore, every open available opening of space. The stars traded silent laughter as the wolf continued.
One wolf, alone in the blistering cold.
She and he could become companions. They could die together in snow melted with the heat of their blood, give their last sick-coated breaths to the moon to devour and purify. Just as her breath hitched into a final, desperate draw for air, the beat picked up; it spiked throughout the wooded area.
Patterns of d
Let. Me. Out.I should be used to this,
these strings that are cutting me off,
from the world.
But I'm not used to this hunger,
that devours me and keeps me from being around.
This chain that chokes me,
keeping my words prisoner.
I can't talk, can't walk,
no support, no balance.
Why can't people just let me in?
I have a voice, I have an opinion.
Instead of being a free sparrow,
I'm a caged finch.
I have no colour, it's not allowed,
give me a release, let me be heard.
Let. Me. Out.
Is This Fair?I'm dancing with a cunning mate,
locked in arms of metal links and shame.
Yesterday I was informed of this malicious fate,
it came to me in a square 4x4 frame.
Today I'm swinging into a mirror of lies,
hoping it's what they call a "nightmare".
I'm painfully facing my own wretched demise,
tell me how this is fair?
Mental Disorder Discrimination"You said you've got depression?
No you don't, you attention seeker.
You're just an average teenager with the perfect life
Desperately looking for sympathy."
Stop crying, you coward.
You're just a childish "scaredy-cat".
Blaming your problems on a mental disorder
That doesn't even exist."
"So you're schizophrenic?
Grow the hell up, and stop acting like a child
You're too old for imaginary friends
You callow, juvenile, little twit."
But if we're attention seekers,
Why do we try so hard to hide our feelings from the world?
Why do we isolate ourselves in our rooms,
Desperately hiding the cuts on our wrists
Trying our best to live a normal life?
And if we're simply "scaredy-cats",
Why is our fear so vividly intense?
Unlike simple fear, our anxiety will stick with us forever
A severe long-lasting feeling of powerful panic.
A feeling from which we'll never be free.
Suddenly we're childish for having a mental disorder?
Schizophrenia is not something we can control.
YouIf you’re a girl, you’re a girl.
If you’re a boy, you’re a boy.
If you’re white, you’re white.
If you’re black, you’re black.
If you’re gay, you’re gay.
If you’re bi, you’re bi.
If you’re straight, you’re straight.
If you’re religious, you’re religious.
If you’re an atheist, you’re an atheist.
If you’re mentally disabled, you’re still human.
If you’re physically disabled, you’re still human.
For everything you are:
So who are they to judge you for who you are?
to me you are perfect
I do not know the reasons
for all those scars burning
against your bright skin
you've been soaking
a pain reminiscing from past
we both cannot recollect
yet you are so beautiful..
when night gets darker
and I am the one...
who's hungered to undress
the spirit of you
slowly revealing the layers
coming off from shadows
disguised in desires
craving to be fulfilled
I will caress every corner
of your silhouette
until I figure the true shape
of your heart
I will rub those blisters
softly until every nerve
of you gushes into a river
and you moan into a life
I had promised you
years ago when we began
to breathe into each other
for all the truths
I must swallow
and lessons I must learn
you are the one
I am destined to discover
what it means
to love in perfection
daydreams and monsters.she was a girl.
she ran with the moon,
chased fireflies in the bluegrass, and
watched the reflection of sunsets in rain puddles.
her name was Alice,
and she was a girl.
but to the dragonflies she was a queen,
and to the mirror she was a sister.
the moon was her prince, and the
blinking windows were the eyes
that kept her safe.
she spent her nights making wishes, and she
dragged her fingers along the shooting stars
that were tangled with her vertebrae.
her name was Alice,
and she was a girl.
her body was a river
her mind was an ocean
and her heart was the sky.
she lived in a world where
doves flew in the sea and
whales swam in the
poem for borderlinesif i could concentrate over
seven hundred thousand eyes
at the roof to the numbers stepping
from the nicities & rows
to go back
to the shattered surface
& the ripples beating over the hang
halfway between shallow
biting lips. maybe--
she couldn't have known
that it takes a whole three minutes
for the lungs to
well, maybe she
who, oh well
the white; the haze--
the booming over
the spume and spray
me get out of my head
just pull up the shutters
my tongue the weight to talk
but that's all we'll ever be:
a match burning itself out for
under the backspray of someone else's wheels
Hath No FearGiving yourself completely up to fear is kinda like falling in love: You can't pin point exactly when it started and by the time you realize that you are surrounded by that sensation it's already game over. Just like the image of the person you are in love with starts creeping out from every unexpected corner, fear never leaves your side when you give it a welcome stay. After a restless sleep, it starts beating anxiously in your heart the moment you wake up in the morning and commands all your thoughts and actions throughout the day. It is nothing short of a prison, except you are the only inmate and the warden never takes a break. Ever.
I do not exactly remember when I let fear occupy my being but I remember the exact moment when I realized I was ruled by it. It was late in the afternoon, everybody was out there 'getting busy living' and I had locked myself inside my bed half awake, not particularly finding any valid reason to get out of it. Then I was awakened from a nightmare by my
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More